Belize

It finally happened, I am no longer a Peace Corps Volunteer. And to commemorate the event I left El Salvador with a few friends and hit the road for a short vacation in Belize.

Things started off with a real bang. We hopped a bus that we heard about through the grapevine that leaves from the Belize embassy and drops you off in the Belmopan, the capital of Belize. Well when we got there it was tiny and painted like a circus van covered in tourist signs. Things immediately got interesting when the tarp didn't cover the luggage and it rained. After solving that problem, we got going and one of the bags fell off the roof rack. Luckily it wasn't my bag, but we had to stop and re-organize all the luggage on the roof right there on the side of the highway. In the best decision of the day Matt and I decided to have a quick beer in Guatemala before crossing into Belize. It turned out to be the best decision all day because the two people we were supposed to leave at the border weren't being let through, and although we were supposed to leave them, our drivers wouldn't leave. So two hours later we finally loaded up our van and to our surprise, instead of leaving two people, we picked up an extra. Meanwhile through all of this the others in the van talked about us "Gringos" to the drivers, fully aware that all spoke spanish and understood everything. But everything was redeemed upon getting to Bryan's house and finding two large pizzas and cold beers waiting for us. Nothing says welcome like beer, pizza and a friendly face.

The second day was just as adventurous. The plan was to get to Placencia, a beach peninsula in the southern part of Belize, by taking the local buses. Well we got on the 12pm bus and it was like bizarro world. The bus was colorful, but not as colorful as we had been used to. The seats had not been adjusted to try to squeeze in three and two passengers and people weren't elbowing you to rush to the seats. The bizarro kicker was that the vendors started getting on and selling all the old favorites IN ENGLISH. I had never even thought of what to call plantain chips in english until the other day. Two buses and a water taxi later we got to our hotel. We immediately changed and jumped in the ocean where Erin and I were promptly stung by a jellyfish. All was made well by finding a restaurant that served more mexican style food and the Guatemalan waitress was relieved to speak to us in spanish.

The third day had little special to speak of except that it was a pleasant day spent by the beach and exploring Placencia. We had dinner at a tasty restaurant that we picked because there was an englishman playing guitar. Although the qualifications where lax for our restaurant choice, it was very good and I had an awesome piece of fish.

The fourth day was the big one. We had reserved a "Rasta Sail" the previous evening and were desperately hoping for the rain to pass so we could have a good day on our boat. On our way we wanted to stop by the office and see if we were going out or if there was a refund available, however it was closed. So we just went to find the boat and our Rasta Captain. We wound up sailing out into choppy water and driving rain. Angie did her thing and complained most of the way, but we made it to a private caye, appropriately named Sipro Caye (spelled differently than Cipro, but pronounced the same). Once there we swam to shore and Jasp, our Rasta captain, cooked us up a Barracuda and a vegetable dish on an open fire. Then he took us for a snorkel all the way around the island before we got back in the boat and steeled ourselves for a a sail back to shore and more rain.

The fifth day was spent relaxing on the beach again and trying to make proper time to the bus back to Belmopan and Bryan. Again he was our saviour with a pasta and salad and beer as always.

The Most Selfish Thing I Have Ever Done

Think hard about that. What is the most selfish thing you have ever done? I know I've done my share of selfish things. None of us are free from our childhood fits when we NEEDED that new G.I. Joe or Barbie. Not just childhood flights of fancy, how many of us bought that awesome new album instead of a text book. But I'm not talking small selfish actions, I mean something huge that affected everyone around you. I did something like that. That something was joining the Peace Corps.
I know what everyone is thinking, Peace Corps is a selfless thing to do, not a selfish thing. That is true, I have been working in another country, for the welfare of another people, in another language for changes that I will never be able to enjoy. I am sure everyone who has benefitted from that work is sufficiently thankful. The truth is that I joined the Peace Corps in a large part for selfless reasons, the desire to do something for my fellow man, to live up to the values I have been taught, to give a bit of the bounty that I was born with. But at the same time I would be lying if I was to say that there wasn't substantial selfish motivation as well. On a whole I think I am getting the better part of the benefits of my Peace Corps service.
Peace Corps is and always will be an intensely personal and selfish thing. You are separated from friends and family, cut off from familiar places and things and generally isolated from what you knew. You must develop the courage to confront your new situation, the motivation to get up and do something, the fortitude to withstand failure and the confidence that what you are doing actually matters. When all is said and done here, the only constant of my service is me and what I have learned. I can only hope that the people I worked with picked up even a fraction of the personal knowledge or life experience that I did. However, these people can't help me in my life outside of Peace Corps.
It seems odd that the most selfish thing I have ever done is also the most selfless thing I have ever done, but the two are not mutually exclusive. Nothing seems so contradictory about the fact that helping others also helps yourself. I also don't see a problem in allowing myself to reap some benefits from serving others.

Only What I Want To Do

Over the past two years I have met with what is both a unique challenge and a unique opportunity. The truth about Peace Corps work is that we have to make it happen ourselves. Although we are supposed to work directly on what our community needs and wants, that doesn't mean that we are obligated to do anything that our community asks. We have the option of picking and choosing our work and projects. Which, when weighed against the fact that we pretty much have to pick our projects then do all the legwork to make them happen, means that we have complete oversight over our work.
So I have been doing only those things that I have wanted to do over the last two years. And if I did anything I didn't want to do, it was completely my fault and nobody else's. I can't think of a time in my life that I can say the same thing about. Before Peace Corps my life consisted almost entirely of school, and although I have a lot to say on that subject, the truth is that I was forever obligated to work on someone else's schedule and turn in projects, papers, and assignments at the whim of somebody else. And I am staring point blank into returning to the US and jumping into work. That means that I will be part of the "normal" working world where I am responsible for deadlines, goals and productivity. And while ideally the goals and efforts of my employer will line up with my own, that isn't always the case and everyone feels some pressure over their work.
So it is with a great appreciation, and a great deal of sorrow that I look back on this mythical experience I have had, in which I am free to do whatever I want, whenever I want with whomever I want and for the most part it is work. For example, one of the Peace Corps' three main goals is to promote cultural understanding on the part of host country nationals, so anytime I stop and talk to people in my town about how life is different here, then I am contributing to that goal. Or choosing not get involved with environment committees in the local schools and not to get involved in other activities like soliciting money to renovate a community center. I have had complete oversight over my time management, my community involvement, my project work, my image and almost every aspect of my life. And while it wasn't a complete change, nor exactly as I would want to lead my life in an ideal situation, it taught me a lot about myself and how I conduct my life.

Dates

So everyone knows I finally have all my dates relevant to returning to life in the US sorted and plane tickets purchased. On July 15th I cease to be a Peace Corps Volunteer and become a normal American again. That same day I leave for Belize with several of my buddies here to have a good time and drop one friend off to work for Peace Corps in Belize. I get back to El Salvador July 22nd only to rush off to my house, pick up my stuff and my dog and fly to LA on July 26th.

That is where the planning stops. I don't know what I will do in LA or how long I will stay there before leaving for Utah and a more permanent part of my new life. I need to stick around long enough to get my life back in order and get my car packed but I don't really know what that means.

Seeing the Sites

A while back it began to dawn on me that I have been here over two years at this point and still haven't done many of the things that everyone says are "must sees" in El Salvador. It always sort of happens like that I think. You spend so much time just living and trying to fit in that you forget that you can be a tourist in your own back yard. I mean it wasn't until I was ready to run off to college that I got out and really started to see lots of LA that people from anywhere else think of. Well I decided that with so little time left, it was now or never.



So I called up one of my friends and planned a day out in Juayua. For a brief background, Juayua is a pueblo in the middle of the tallest mountain range in El Salvador and located on what has been deemed the Route of Flowers because of the beautiful scenic nature of the road and the flowers that bloom there year round. Every weekend there is a huge food festival and market in the town square in Juayua, which although I have been to Juayua, I have never managed to get to before. Nearby there are natural waterfalls that flow not from any river, but directly out of the volcanic soil that makes up the mountains. I got up early, met Kelsey in Sonsonate and headed out to hike the waterfalls and then eat to our hearts content.

Along the way we ran into some friends who told us about an archeological site in the middle of a coffee plantation just up the road and decided we had the time and energy to go there as well. It is the site of former Mayan sacrifice and worship. It dates back to the pre-classical period here in El Salvador, and although the vast majority of artifacts have either been removed to the national museum or the owners personal museum, there are still three rock idols remaining and the footprint of the worship area. The idols are round and not of local rock, which indicates that they were moved from a great distance and intentionally set in their positions.



When all was said and done it and done it started to rain while I was headed home. I also missed the last bus into my site, which meant that I had to walk it. I had never attempted that road on foot, only on bus or bike. So I threw on my headlamp and trekked back home with 10 pounds of dog food on my back, rain on my clothes and a smile on my face. I actually managed it in around 35 minutes and beat the bus home.

I would do it all again too.

The End Is Nigh

In the interim since my last post my life here has been changing considerably. I already shared a bit of the unusual circumstance of sharing a town, a house, work and friends with another volunteer. I am trying not to be in his way and let him start his life. But at the same time, I can't help but be both a little jealous and a little annoyed everywhere I go. People have taken to asking me his whereabouts and why he isn't with me as the first item of conversation everywhere I go. At the same time I know he gets called Carlos all the time and people wonder why he can't really speak spanish, but I can. I imagine it has to be a little more trying for him than it is for me since I am already so comfortable and well known there. But for the most part his presence isn't so much a nuisance as a portent that things are coming to an end.

A few weeks back we had our official Close Of Service (COS) conference which detailed the administrative, personal and work related processes of finalizing our time in Peace Corps and saying goodbye. It was weird to sit there and listen to people telling me what I would feel and how I should go about conducting my last days. As if it was all a little unreal and part of some crazy dream that I knew would happen but never really believed I would participate in. The conference also outlined all sorts of administrative minutiae and reports that are necessary to convert ourselves from PCVs (Peace Corps Volunteers) into RPCVs (Returned Peace Corps Volunteers).

So for the past few weeks I have been lazing around my town, and allowing myself to settle into what I call Peace Corps senioritis. I know that I need to start phasing myself out of my work and phasing my replacement in, so I basically send him to the vast majority of scheduled meetings and either don't go, or just sit in the crowd. I don't want to step on his toes you know. Plus I have been writing all manner of reports; formal reports in the third person, informal reports about all my projects, spanish reports with recommendations for my community, quarterly reports and whatnot. In all the slovenliness and report writing I have basically given up reading books and parked myself in front of my computer either writing or watching digital versions of TV shows that my friends have given me (both english and spanish).

For the last 3 days I have been camped in San Salvador for my final Spanish interview and my COS medical evaluations. The Spanish interview went well, I was rated as Advanced Mid, which is only two spots below the highest possible on Peace Corps propietary language scale, the highest spot basically reserved for only native speakers. As far as COS med, it is a lot of pooping in cups, running around to appointments and waiting around to see doctors or get results. I make use of some of the down time to hang out with some friends that I don't see very often and to take care of some of the other administrative stuff like final evaluations, closing talks with staff members and other things like that. Fortunately it still leaves my evenings free to hang with Sam and Angie who I scheduled my COS med with.

We are staying at our friend Amir's place and living in style for at least a short time. Tonight we crashed a catering open house that another friend had a table at. It was meant for people who were planning to host events like weddings to come and see what was available, but we used it for a free dinner and better food than we could ever hope to afford on our salary. I have to say it was one of the best nights of my Peace Corps experience.

Tomorrow I have more of the same medical stuff, but I am buying a plastic kennel to fly Kaya home in. The thought is that since the Country Director and my Program director are coming to my sight for my final Sight Assessment, I can buy a kennel and hitch a ride in the Peace Corps vehicle to get myself and the kennel back home in.

Considering the general pace of my life over the past two years I never really realized that PC could be this much of a rat race at the end. I mean I am rushing all over for appointments and meetings and struggling to fit in time for friends and my site. I mean I haven't been home since Sunday night, but after I get home on Friday I am heading out on Saturday to get some quality time with another friend before my time and hers are both too hectic to see each other. Luckily I don't feel much guilt about work or my site (besides my close friends there) because I have my replacement there to pick up my slack.

Welcome Matt

I have a new house and a new volunteer. I knew there was a possibility that a new volunteer would be assigned to my site in the new group and that I would have to share my town for a while. Well the possibility is now a reality and he is a pretty cool guy, so I lucked out. Since he is a guy I offered to live with him, and immediately afterwards Lipe (old neighbor) offered me one of his houses which is twice as large as my old one for the same price. So now Matt and I moved into what is either my 4th or 5th house depending on how you want to count. So I am averaging a different house every 6 months of my Peace Corps service. The new house is huge and what I am most excited about actually has sinks, two of them. Those are indoor sinks. Plus, the bathroom and shower are indoors. I don't really care for indoor bathroom and showers anymore since it means water and smells IN the house, but the sinks and a counter in the kitchen are godsends.

Otherwise life is good. I made it back to El Salvador in one piece after my vacation in the US with no other problems than a small fear of populated elevators. The swearing in and party were fun and I enjoyed hosting some friends at the Sheraton again. I will have to invent a reason to come in a get a room in the future. I am still not terribly into large parties of the sort that we had, but I go for the sake of seeing other volunteers. It gives me a chance to see people in a different situation. Namely with their hair down, ready to have a good time, and actually cleaned up and looking like people. Unfortunately it comes with the inevitable party problems. A few people get a little too drunk, there is always the noise in the club and the general chaos of getting around San Sal at night.

Slowly the reality of the last swearing in, having a new volunteer in my site and going to my COS (close of service) conference is making the reality sink in that I have more than just one foot out the door. Already I am jealous of Matt because people in my town have so readily started trying to get him to come to things and not me. I will have to deal with that and just allow myself to slowly get phased out. My PSP is helping. Plus having a new house to get organized helps too.